As I've mentioned before, this was a hard year. Lots going on. And once everything was said and done, I let go of alot of stress. But most importantly, I let go of alot of anxiety. Don't know where the anxiety originated, but I mostly blame the fact that the people who lived in my apartment before me were serious drug addicts who probably also produced them in my former apartment. Those drugs then seeped into the walls, much like Our Meth House, and I started having panic attacks and physical symptoms. I attributed those symptoms to stress at the time, but the things that would have caused me stress didn't start til 6 months after the other symptoms started. I had a panic attack once a day for three days. I thought I was losing my mind, and it was terrifying. The first one thankfully started slowly, and I was able to leave the bar I was at with my friends and walk home (2 blocks). As soon as I walked across the bridge, it was a full blown panic attack. And it was terrifying. But they've stopped, and I'm thankful for that.
I let go of myself. I didn't go to the gym, I ate alot (ALOT) of junk food. I'm the second heaviest I've ever been and I. Don't. Like. It. One of my goals is to get to a comfortable weight in the new year. Not lose a specific number of pounds. Just to where I feel comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long, long time since I've been there, if I ever have, and I'm looking forward to it when it happens.
So there you go.
4 comments:
It's amazing how stuff like past drug use can stick around like that. In my very first apartment the people that lived there before me smoked meth and I could feel the symptoms of it. Luckily I couldn't pay my bills so I ended up moving pretty quick!
I didn't so much let myself go this year, I just didn't do anything to get back in to shape after last year! It's harder when your stressed, that was my main problem.
I used to get horrible panic attacks 3 years ago so I feel your pain. People just don't understand that it can literally feel like you are dying. I've been under a lot of stress recently, so I've been terrified that they are going to start again. It is also my goal to lose some weight in the new year, just enough to get my confidence completely back and feel like myself :)
It's great that you've been able to let go of a lot of stress. It's crazy how the previous owners' drug use can still affect you even now, even more so that it may have brought on anxiety. I started getting panic attacks and really anxious about a year and a half ago, after a car accident. Pretty random, also.. it's better now, but still kicks up every now and then. So I feel you <3
oh no, that's horrible! im glad they've stopped using drugs.
hmmm sometimes it's nice to just let go - there's a sense of comfort in that :)
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